The Art of the Product Review

thumbs up, gnome
photo by nocklebeast

My cellphone contract will expire soon and as everyone knows, this means I get to upgrade my phone. While perusing my network’s online store, I discovered some of the best reading material the internet has to offer:

The product review tab.

I marveled at the passion that went into these reviews–emoticons, superfluous punctuation, ALL CAPS. Without any obvious external motivation or reward to review a product, the endeavors of these zealously happy or disappointed reviewers are admirable. Most people you have to pay to fill out a survey–these people do it for free! Some of these product reviewers deserve at least a certificate of completion from the hosting website, something comparable to what you might receive for completing a course in photography at your local adult education center.

What I find most entertaining about product reviews is that often, the reviews expose more about the reviewer than the product they are reviewing. I suspect there’s an inverse correlation between a reviewer’s objectivity, and the potential entertainment value garnered from their review. Cursing or using grawlix makes me think you, the reviewer, have anger issues. Spelling errors and typos makes me think you’re too busy to write your voluntary review. I think what I’m getting at is, if you’re going to take the time to better society with your opinion, make it a helpful one, or risk having it shared on a random blog for others amusement.

Some of the favorite comments I discovered during my recent adventure in product research [with a few of my thoughts added]:

In reference to the Droid 3


“after almost 8 or 9 months the phone has completly gone bonkers”

“keys dont work and everything else”

“vibration is too strong” [Enough said.]

In reference to the Apple iPhone 4:


“Just buy it….” [Seems this buyer is resigned to Apple’s inevitable world domination]


“SnAzZy phone :)” [It appears an adjective with two z’s just wasn’t enough. This review required additional eMBeLishMent]


“hard to text auto correct is a mess.” [It’s almost poetic. Idea! Product reviews written as Haikus.]

“battery life isn’t too good ):” [Note the backward emoticon, it looks even more sad.]

“need to plug in every day; need to have wireless connection to get on internet” [I was actually impressed by this person’s attempt to correctly use a semicolon on this one, though I don’t think they were successful.]

“short batter life” [Oh, typos.]

[The mental picture I had of this next reviewer was so vivid (7 exclamation points!) I couldn’t help but share the whole thing.]


“I went from a BlackBerry to this phone….and wow was I an idiot!This phone is awful!-It runs slow- it randomly restarts- battery is bad,-lock screen button is hard to press.-email is impossibleI use email a lot….forget it! on this phone its impossible to receive or send email easily.Just everything about this phone is not as good as the BlackBerry.I cant wait for my upgrade date to get another phone. I call this my cursed phone! Ive had it for about 8 months and i still hate it! more and more everyday! Because almost everyday there is either a new or reoccurring issue with it.I had my BlackBerry for almost 3 years…no problems at all! one minor problem with connections ONCE and when i got a replacement phone problem went away. But this phone…..useless.I hope others had better experiences with it. Mine has been a nightmare.

PROS: nothing

CONS: everything”


One thought on “The Art of the Product Review

  1. Ha! I’ve been waiting for someone to write on this topic!
    Here’s my review: When I saw the title of this post arrive in my mailbox, I was hoping for a witty jab at the crazy world of product reviews. THIS POST DOES NOT DISAPPOINT!!!! Five Stars!!! * * * * *

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